Self-Help Advice People Keep Overlooking

In the process of writing our new book, The 12 Levers, which involved reading over 100 of the most popular self-improvement books and studying nearly 500 popular techniques, we encountered some important ideas about self-improvement that are often overlooked. Today, we'd like to share four of them.

1. It's usually better to focus on current causes instead of past causes.

Sometimes we get wrapped up in trying to understand why we have a problem in the first place.

Why do I feel anxious so often? Is it because of the way my parents treated me?

What happened in my childhood that made it so hard to trust people?

It makes sense to be interested in what initiated a problem. It can be validating and interesting. And understanding the original cause sometimes does help reveal the current solution. If getting into this relationship caused me to feel depressed, then I can probably leave the relationship and feel better.

But usually, understanding the root cause far back in our history is not the fastest or most effective way to produce lasting change.

Take trauma. Suppose you had a horrendous car crash and ever since then, you've had frightening symptoms, like intrusive thoughts, nightmares, and a driving phobia. You know that the car crash initially caused these symptoms, and yet, this knowledge doesn't free you from them.

The same is often true for depression. You might have become depressed originally because you lost your job or your marriage. But knowing that doesn't resolve the feelings you're having today.

What matters much more than the original cause is the ongoing cause.

What's happening now that’s keeping you anxious or depressed? Sometimes the current cause is related to thoughts, for example, about being worthless or a failure, or that terrible things are bound to happen in the future. Sometimes the current cause is related to behaviors, such as isolating yourself or not asserting your boundaries. Sometimes the current cause is your environment, such as an abusive partner or a job you hate. And sometimes it's a combination of thoughts, behaviors, and environment that interact to produce problems.

Focusing on ongoing causes has an enormous advantage over focusing on the causes from our distant past. You can't change what happened in the past, but you can usually change what’s happening in the present.

We benefit from focusing on controllable causes. Trying to control what can't be controlled is ineffective and a recipe for misery. And unlike past causes, current causes are often the controllable ones.

2. It’s helpful to create written plans for recurring problems.

This might sound really banal. But bear with us.

Think of one of your recurring problems—something likely to happen again. For instance, do you bicker with your spouse? Doomscroll when you’re bored? Or procrastinate on big projects?

Do you have a concrete plan for how you're going to handle that problem? An actual written plan of how to prevent or manage it the next time it occurs?

If you do, that's excellent. But if not, you could potentially benefit a lot from making one.

Most of us don’t make specific plans, even for the serious, recurring problems in our lives. And even when we do have a plan, it may be vague, only partially formulated, or hard to remember.

As we describe in more detail in our book, creating effective plans involves considering (1) risk factors, (2) early warning signs, and (3) coping strategies that help you deal with the problem.

Good plans can prevent fights and burnout, and save you time and stress. They can even save lives. A 2021 meta-analysis found that suicidal patients with safety plans were 43% less likely to attempt suicide. That might well equate to thousands of deaths prevented every year.

If you have a recurring significant problem in your life, consider writing down a plan for how you'll handle it next time.

3. You can move toward your values in this moment.

Something easy to overlook is that ordinary moments of our lives often provide opportunities to align our behavior with our values. Practitioners of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) call these “choice points.”

• Do you watch another episode, or do you start getting ready for bed?

• Do you spend the next ten minutes doomscrolling, or do you put your phone away and pet your dog?

• Do you tell your friend you feel fine, or do you share that you’ve actually been feeling insecure?

• Do you remain distracted while your partner describes their day, or do you give them your full attention?

There is something empowering about becoming more aware of these choice points. In the course of an average day, there are often many more opportunities than we think to act in line with our values. Maybe hundreds. By learning to notice more of them, we can create more of whatever we value—whether that’s social connection, learning, honesty, or beauty.

4. New doesn’t always mean better. Sometimes it actually means worse.

It’s easy to get excited about the newest self-improvement craze. But many of the best self-help techniques are several decades old, like cognitive restructuring or behavioral activation. And some very effective techniques, like mindfulness, are thousands of years old.

Interestingly, some very old and effective techniques are still relatively unknown to the mainstream. Take loving-kindness meditation, which has also been around for thousands of years, and shows a lot of promise, even potentially for severe problems like PTSD.

Of course, we also need to be careful of being seduced by the mere suggestion of ancient wisdom. Old doesn’t always mean better, either.

In our new book, The 12 Levers, we synthesized the best techniques from self-improvement, both old and new. And we discovered something surprising: All of these techniques boil down to just 12 core psychological strategies for improving your life.